I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
