A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Drunk is a universal language darling
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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