The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
