Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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