Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
