Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
