pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
