I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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