dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
