Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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