I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
