Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
