Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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