he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
