I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Come share oat with me in your robe
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
