we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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