I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
