people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
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I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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