so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
