my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
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its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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