Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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