we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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