Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
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5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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