she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
