nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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