im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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