Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
