I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
