And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
