i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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