Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
