Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
