Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
