i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
