the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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