I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
