it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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