happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
