I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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