You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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