sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
