i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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