I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
