You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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