i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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