cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
