i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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