watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize