Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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