You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
