oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You took a bar mat shot.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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