I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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