Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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