Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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