Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
