One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
