My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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