i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
