So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
