remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
