What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
