I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
