im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize