I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
