its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
