Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
