no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
