Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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