So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
