pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
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we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
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I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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